It's a cry from the deep. The deep, dark and sordid situation of being unemployed. But it's not just that, it's also the fact that I am really rather a unique person and I can't seem to find any 'job' that will fit me. That's a terrible excuse isn't it? There's no excuse to be unemployed! Get off your backside and start printing your CV a hundred times and hand it out to employers.
Yeah, unfortunately that's not how things work any more. Everything is online isn't it. 'Upload' your CV, 'click' this link and that link, 'insert' your name and address and be added to the Excel spreadsheet of hundreds (well, maybe not that many, but who would know from this end?) of keyboard pokers with worse grades but probably more experience than you.
If you know this feeling, then I sympathise with you. Look, I know the position that others have - the sceptics - and no doubt us job-seekers have in our mind every time we enter the dreaded Job Centre. It's almost as if just entering the doors, you have to have your head down. You've failed. You're 'one of those'. There's no reason to smile. No reason to look people in the eye. You've no pride. Nothing.
That's the wrong attitude. It depends who you are. I finished my Sixth Form college with four As and one B. And I took English, Maths, History, Geography and General Studies. The B was in history and I actually got an A* in English. I applied for University in 2010. It didn't work out. I then retook the year in 2011. Same thing happened. But I won't go into detail here. So I didn't go to University. Instead, I got a job via a random phone call to a friend of mine, who just turned to me and said "Here's your job". As a Christian I believe this was God's work but as I said I'm not here to go on a tangent.
The point I am trying to make is, I like to think a lot. I'm a thinking person. Yes, I can actually do stuff, physical work, talking to customers in a shop, typing things, admin, boring stuff. But... I would feel out of place. As if, this really is not my reality! I finished 6 months of being a Marketing Apprentice (bad move) on 31st October this year, beginning on the 16th May. Office, every day, computer, typing. I hated the environment. Then I got lazy and got used to it. I didn't work as hard as I should have. Nevertheless, I had some great ideas for this small business and it helped. I made a good positive impact that I can be proud of.
Unfortunately, the salary was not so tasty. A mere £3.65 an hour. I know it's an apprenticeship, and the minimum for those are £2.65 (can't believe this is legal), but I'm 20 years old! That's an insult! So as you can imagine the issue never really cropped up in the office except when I mentioned it. But that, is a story for a another day.
So, all this 'evidence' is pointing to one thing. One, it's near on impossible to find a job that you're even more than half happy with. You're told to go for anything. You're just a number that has to be assigned to some sort of workplace. It doesn't matter what, as long as you're not claiming benefits. Two, you feel depressed. You get up late, your mind becomes clouded with irrelevant thoughts. You become confused and disillusioned, which means not knowing where you want to go or what to do in life. It's easy to feel hopeless and you've probably visited your GP already.
So I continue the job hunt. I search on government approved job-seeking website of Universal Jobmatch. I also check the careers site of the major supermarkets and some stores. I don't cross my fingers or do any superstitious rubbish, however. I pray to God to give me a good job. I also pray to show me where he knows is best for me. It might not be a job, but I continue doing what the government says I should do because I respect authority. After all, they are the ones paying me £54 a week to help me with my living costs.
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